WARNING: the foods we cook for Abby are safe for her, but not necessarily for everyone. Please confirm any ingredients are safe for you before using in your diet. Food Allergies can kill and the best policy is complete avoidance. Read this post for more info.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Fixer..

For the most part, I like to fix things, and take any broken item as a personal challenge to fix. When I see something that others think is hopeless, I usually see something begging me to transform,restore,fix.

Give me an old dresser, I will find legs, build shelves, paint and create a cabinet.

Give me an old broken sewing machine, I will tear it a part, fix or order parts to fix.. touch up paint and a good wax ...seeing it shiny and purring and ready to sew for another generation is incredibly soul satisfying.(prefer fixing over sewing with them)

Give me just potatoes and cabbage when our budget is pinched and it is a personal challenge to create a memorable meal.

Give me my delicate orchid Abby who is so prone to breaking and for 17 years I have plucked the threads and mended.. I refuse to take no for an answer or that there is nothing to do to fix her.. there is ALWAYS a way to fix even the greatest damage, and I want Abby healthy.

Admittedly, sometimes something will break in the house and I gladly let Derek fix it- he can do it faster then I can sometimes..I have always admitted that I will be glad to lean on the right leader, and Derek is a terrific leader and is always willing to be the fixer when I need a break.

With all the medical stuff and Abby, I have spent years trying to find a "fixer" of a Dr. Someone like me who will go without sleep, who will pester and dig, who is willing to roll up their sleeves and try to fix something they have never fixed before, just because they thrive on fixing..

One of my insecurities or frustrations is simply lacking the academics at times to make the connections to take my fixing of Abby to the next level. Another frustration is that despite some terrific Drs and some not so terrific Drs, I cannot find a Dr. willing to be Abby's fixer..and I cannot count the Drs. we have seen all over the Country since Abby was born...

I have high expectations. IF you have a 10 year science/math/medical education, this fixing stuff should be way easier for them then me-

Once in awhile I have a day where I am tired, beaten, feeling as though I am failing. I get mad at myself, I get mad that our bodies are so unforgiving and our minds are twice so...When Abby has started to wake and heal and then tumbles over the cliff again with a new symptom, that cup sure looks half empty instead of half full. On those days, I cannot even imagine there is a pitcher any where to fill that glass back up..

Thankfully, I have more days then not where the glass is half full. I have a network of "thinking Moms" that I can throw my theories and thoughts at, who are always as joyful as I to learn something new.. Who also question EVERYTHING, and are fearless thinkers. Who are patient,who share and teach me..

Abby has gone from a bad week to an even worse week. Her face doesn't even look like her, and I literally only saw her for 30 minutes yesterday as she is just trying to sleep through it all. It is days like this that I must look in the mirror- I can look and see a Mom who just accepts this disease and stops questioning(oh, that would be so easy! Or I think absolute acceptance would easier,I haven't tried it yet!)or I can look in the mirror and see "The Fixer". When faced with the choice of acceptance or fixer- I, no matter how disheartened,scared, frustrated, always pick the Fixer.

Yesterday thanks to my "thinking Moms" I found out that Miralax may be a problem. Based on Abby's consistent pattern of developing sensitivities or allergies to anything she is repeatedly exposed to, I suspect she has developed a PEG allergy. I am still eliminating corn from her diet and environment and that is the toughest challenge yet, so I am not especially happy about trying to eliminate PEG. IT is going take a lot of "fixing" and thinking outside the box- I mean, at some point, I am going to run out of things to eliminate! :-)

It is doable though- and as a Fixer, I am ready for the challenge.


Post a Comment

Copyright 2009 Abby Mito. Powered by film izle film izle favoriblog blogger themes izle harbilog jigolo