WARNING: the foods we cook for Abby are safe for her, but not necessarily for everyone. Please confirm any ingredients are safe for you before using in your diet. Food Allergies can kill and the best policy is complete avoidance. Read this post for more info.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Sunshine and isolated thundershowers...

Abby had an absolutely terrific day yesterday. I created a blueberry muffin packed full of rice protein and not only did she absolutely love the flavor but they felt terrific in her stomach.

In the middle of us marveling at how well she is doing, we had a thundershower. Her long,long beautiful hair is falling out by the handful. Not the first time, but this time it is a shocking amount. Abby has thin hair compared to the rest of us, it was heart wrenching to brush out so much hair.

What really got me was that I know her hair has always been so important to her, she has never had a bob or short hair,yet as I brushed fistfuls out she was so brave and I think we both just felt too good about how well she has been doing to breakdown over it. We trimmed off about 3-4 inches and are very hopeful with the major increase in protein in her diet before we know it her hair will be growing back in..

I felt so petty that I let a small thing like her hair upset me so terribly. I wanted to put the brush down and go hide and cry over it. I am proud to say that we kept the whole operation of brush, washing, conditioning a very upbeat couple hours and we both were very brave.

Years ago when my Mom had finished radiation and chemo, I flew up to see her. I had sent her new hats each month and wigs while she was going through the treatments, knowing how devastated she would be by the loss of her beautiful hair. My Mom was stunning. She was one of those rare beauties that only got more beautiful as she aged. When I got to her house, she looked at me with such child like trust and as she pulled her cap off her head asked me if I could fix it. There wasn't much hair left. Just a few wispy pieces sticking off her head in completely random spots-I cannot even really put how I felt in that moment into words. Overwhelming love for her,sympathy,sadness,grief-it was the most overwhelming moment in my life. She said she knew she should have shaved it, but she just couldn't bring herself to do. So, I braced myself and trimmed those little soft wispy hairs as best I could- I could not bring myself to shave them off either. We joked and giggled and tried on her wigs.. I promised I would not cry and make it worse, and we made such an emotional moment into an hour of her and I just feeling safe and loved. No tears, we were celebrating a moment of sunshine.

Maybe that is why I struggled yesterday with brushing Abby's beautiful hair and watching it come out.. but when we finished we got almost giddy- at that moment the sun came back out, because we both realized exactly how terribly sick she has been this winter, and we also clearly saw exactly how much better she has been doing.. brushing out that loose hair was almost like sweeping and raking up leaves after a bad storm.. yes, the trees got a little damaged, but the storm proved just how strong those tree's are, brought rain to help them grow and recover.

So now, I will be watching not just her face for signs of stress, but her hair.. I woke up today, very very grateful that she is doing so much better and very determined to enjoy this stable time. Also grateful for hair. My Mom, my daughters they love their hair and when they worry about their hair these people I love most come to me for help. My heart is feeling very full today.


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