WARNING: the foods we cook for Abby are safe for her, but not necessarily for everyone. Please confirm any ingredients are safe for you before using in your diet. Food Allergies can kill and the best policy is complete avoidance. Read this post for more info.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Things I have learned.

As Sara approaches 21 this Spring, I am realizing that I did it, I have raised two amazing,smart,polite and terrific people. Some things I have learned:

1)Crying babies are meant to be held- you cannot spoil them.

2)Drs. can be wrong, if your gut says they are wrong and they won't listen to you,then time to find a new Dr.(From the mouth of a Non Compliant Parent.)

3)High School persists into Motherhood- believe me, "fitting in" is overrated and always ends badly. Granted, being an individual has a high price tag, but well worth it and much healthier for your children.

4)Listen to your child. If a 5 year old cries and doesn't feel well enough to go to school or daycare- don't make them. Kids are pretty darn smart. They understand far more then most parents give them credit for.

5)Just because the other Mom's are doing it, doesn't mean you should.

6)Don't depend on anyone when it comes to your child. They are yours,your responsibility-all the good and bad. We write the check for ballet, and we are also responsible to write the check for medical care.

7)There are going to be terrible awful no good very bad days- accept them, forget them, and move on. There are always more terrific days.

8)Until kids hit the teen years they don't care if you have the latest furniture, a less then 10 year old car, or the newest house on the block. What they remember are the days you sat on the floor with them and played. (Sara and Abby have confirmed this- not just a theory!)

9)Food- you really are what you eat.

10)No two children are a like. They learn different,they think different, they get sick differently.

11) Sharing and caring starts at home. If we all helped our families and gave up a few luxuries no one would need food stamps, or medicaid. Wet n wild makeup has pretty much the same ingredients as Elizabeth Arden(at least the same allergens).. Covergirl is cheaper then Estee and works as well. Do you really need highlights and low lights? Surely you have a cousin or third cousin or someone in your family who could use that 200 bucks you spend every 6 weeks to buy food or pay for medical foods. Do you go out to eat 2x a week? How about that starbucks addiction? That has got be at least 75-100 bucks a month that would make a huge difference to someone who lives on less then 700 a month. Cook at home(healthier anyway) and send that extra money to you Grandma who waits every night for meals and wheels to eat. Maybe cook for her too- a double gift for her your company and nutritious food. I cannot believe that as a society we feel that everyone is entitled to a cell phone, I live without one and it hasn't killed me yet. That extra 45-100 bucks goes to various family and friends and is far more rewarding being used that way. Without family and friends we are nothing.

12) Someone is always suffering more then you.

13) Screaming children at the grocery are NOT okay! No matter what the disability, if you have a screamer leave them at home. No excuses! You find time to go get your highlights done, have dinner with the hubby or the girls, you can certainly find the time to shop without making us hate you. There is a time and a place. If you are at a park with a screamer- go for it, that is the right place for them to let loose, not at the grocery,movie theater,mall, hair salon, car wash,library etc. Sorry, you may think your screaming child is great, 99.9 of the rest of us end up HATING you by the time we are done shopping. (Oh and please don't fly either!)

14) You know how our parents always warned us not to touch stuff at the store? I always thought growing up it was because they were afraid I would break something- Nope- you don't touch so you don't collect extra germs or spread extra germs.

15)Letting your kids wear their Halloween costumes at Christmas or 4th of July isn't going to hurt a thing.(and might keep them from screaming at the grocery..hint!)

16)IF you give them no reason to rebel, they won't.

17)Laura Bush was right, read to your babies. Start reading before they even start smiling- it makes the difference.

18) Read every book on the banned books list.

19)If you do not look forward to spending time with your kids, don't have anymore kids. If you resent your kids you have a problem.

20)Your parents were right more often then you thought. Just accept it. As I have parented, I cannot tell you how many times I have caught myself repeating my parents word for word.

21) Your child will be just as academically successful without PreSchool as they would be with Preschool. In fact, in previous generations(like mine)when no one went to Preschool our SAT scores and graduation rates were much higher. Silly old house wives must be doing something right.

22)Follow through. If you set the rules show some maturity and stick to them, if you cannot follow the rules you sent up and you are the parent, how do you expect your children to?

23)Being shy or an introvert is not a disease nor something all children outgrow. Quit trying to change who your child is, and accept and appreciate them, the world would be terribly annoying and boring if everyone was a football player or cheerleader.

24)If you aren't as tired as your kids by 8pm you aren't doing it right.

25)There is NO perfect parenting.


Circus of 6 said...

You are too funny!! I can see you don't like wailing kids! ;) You are right, we have always made a hasty retreat if a kid starts screaming.

Anonymous said...

This is fabulous.....I love them especially 24!!!
The only thing I would say is some of us have to fly to see our much loved families. The difference is we try to keep the children entertained and quiet.. All without the latest elctronic gismo. Stories on mp3 player with headphones help anoise sensitive child. Movement breaks help a fidget child.
Learning what you can about your child's condition helps you to adjust and adapt.
i just wish sometimes the wider world would understand it isn't always about us fitting into the world but also about the world adapting to us.
Thanks for helping me after a bumpy week.
I agree fully about the stores.

Diane said...

Well, crying kids happen and even I the anti-crying kid Mom "get" that :-) Though, I do remember abandoning a cart now and then to remove mine until they behaved or came back later with out them.. I was always a die hard for making the girls understand from early on :-)

I am more targeting the families who are glad to drop the kids at daycare to go workout, (alone) grab starbucks(alone)get their nails done(alone)hair done(alone) lunch with the girls(alone) yet, somehow think that the rest of us want to listen to their kids at the grocery store! They should respect their "neighbors" more and take some of their "alone" time to do the groceries- I sooo did not sign up to listen to their kids! LOL

Many of us like you ladies see the grocery store as an outing to enjoy with our kids, to teach our kids, not to ignore them while they torture other shoppers! :-)

Jo- Hugs. I know if your boys cry on a plane it is not because you haven't tried your very best to keep them behaved! :-) I am remembering those parents who plug themselves into their i-pods and let their children scream,kick and run the airplane-

My hubby was just saying that he flew home with a french family- and he said that 1-2 year old was so full of salt and vinegar- he wasn't naughty -just busy and he said he was so impressed that the parents took turns for 8 hours straight to keep him entertained- he said those poor parents looked exhausted like they had run a marathon when they got off the plane- and he said everyone smiled at them, not because their little guy was the most well behaved toddler, but because those parents stood on their heads for 8 hours to do everything in their power to keep him under control.. A big A for effort! :-) Sorry you had a rough week.. this time of year brings colds,flu's, issues at school.. big hugs and sending you a much smoother week next week!

Anonymous said...

I know exactly the parents you are referring too. The sad thing about it is people seem to think everyone is like that. By which I mean teachers etcc (not you).
Seems the more you try to help you children behave, manage the issues the condition brings with it the the more people can't appreciate what you do and why. Hard to explain what I am trying to say like the school who says "You are describing a tired, little boy but we don't see that." Hmm yup but I try very hard to send him to school energerized and ready for the day. But that means very early bedtimes, quiet times at home. If I sent him into schooll tired he will be a behaviuor problem. Not fair on him.
I learn much from you.
As far as flying our last trip home he vomited for the last 3 hours of it and then on the drive to my parents.....I was exhausted.
Here's to us that try to do a good job parenting.Moms like you and me.

Anonymous said...

I have one to add. Treat your children with respect and dignity. Remember if they have special needs and issues....they didn't ask for it either!!!

I was in a Walmart recently and I almost backhanded a female. There were some brightly colored things around...you know Walmart...always goodies for everyone to look at everywhere. The boy was autistic...as a mom of special needs including autism...you learn to recognize them. All he was doing was saying Aw pretty....and she started in yelling at him about saying awww. It wasn't a loud noise...it wasn't distracting or like a repetitive noise...just a kid enjoying looking around til she shot off her mouth. After she yelled at him...he was real quiet...but you could tell he was hurt. Was she having a bad day...prolly but my guess is that she has no respect for her son...nor his issues....a burden as I have seen other parents react with the special needs kiddos.

Hey Parents!!! If you aren't stupid...if you aren't blind and so callous that you can't feel...you have a GREAT teacher living with you. Every so often I pick up the book Angels Unaware by Dale Evans Rogers. While I disagree with a lot of her thinking...I agree about the special needs people's gift to teach us...and how much they can teach us if we allow them to.

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