WARNING: the foods we cook for Abby are safe for her, but not necessarily for everyone. Please confirm any ingredients are safe for you before using in your diet. Food Allergies can kill and the best policy is complete avoidance. Read this post for more info.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Healing

Yesterday afternoon when we checked the rash it looks like it is finally breaking up .. more purple then red, and more diffuse, like it is breaking up.


She is still not herself yet. Though definitely much better. For as sick as she got, just 2 weeks to nearly bounce back really wasn't bad. Her kidneys are still aching but even they are finally settling down.


Of course the kicker is she has a dental appointment this morning, which is a promised crash, though a few times she hasn't crashed too badly so I am hoping today will be easy on her.


I don't know how she does it. Every time we feel like she has made progress she tumbles back. I find it incredibly frustrating, I can only imagine how impossible it must seem for her at times. Abby just has the ability to generate peace and patience, surely it will rub off on me eventually!


Last night as I was falling asleep in my head I visualized this process like trying to climb a sand cliff.


Where I grew up on Whidbey Island there were sandy cliffs along parts of the beaches we played on.. I cannot tell you how many times our parents warned us to steer clear, to NOT play on them, that they could erode and bury us quickly. Unfortunately for my parents we were adventurous children, if they told us not to do something it often triggered us to go out of our way to do it!


At the base of the cliff where the ocean would reach at high tide were piles of large rocks and boulders.. huge driftwood logs.. then a gentle slope of sand. Our beaches were covered in rocks with little sand so the soft, dry sand on the cliffs was a novelty. The first few steps to climb were easy! It was a gentle slope.. Right away though you experienced the sand sliding out from under your feet. As you got more confident, you pushed hard to climb higher.. the sand slipped under your feet like pouring water, and you nearly ran in place trying to climb vertically. Sometimes as the sand slipped it would dislodge a small sand slide.. this made your heart pound! All those warnings of being buried alive came back quickly! Rarely the sand movement would dislodge a rock that would jump and tumble down below you- that would scare me half to death! Often though, the sliding sand would expose a root or a rock that could be used as a foot hold or hand hold, and for a moment you would get to feel like you had a firm grasp and solid footing. You would pant for a minute and try to enjoy that you had made it half way..at the halfway point you should have turned around enough to look at the amazing view of the bay but as kids we wanted to make it to the top-not stop and enjoy a view. Halfway had no value to me as a 7 year old. So you would try to climb higher. Problem was that with our cliffs the tops reached out toward the ocean. The tree's hung on to the soil and when you looked up you had a ceiling of roots hanging down over you. I remember watching the older kids successfully scale those cliffs and defy gravity. To me they looked like amazing gymnasts in how just using their arms they could go from hanging from those roots to flipping and pulling themselves up to the top. They would look like super hero's to me standing at the top.. doing the universal victory dance of childhood.


Of course looking back, we were stupid children. If our parents had found us doing that, I know the punishment would have been severe and we would have deserved it..

What I remember most as one of the only girls and not a coordinated girl at that, was the feeling of defeat.. how every time I thought I had finally found the right hand hold I could not pull myself up any further, or the feeling of the foothold slipping away under my feet.At those times I was so envious and disappointed that I was just not as talented as the next kid. Over the years I did conquer the cliffs mostly. I never could flip up to the top, but I learned to make it better then halfway. I learned that the view was pretty awesome even from the halfway point. I learned how to stop myself from sliding, to avoid falling debris, at the halfway point I even learned to balance and stand without using my hands, I no longer needed to snuggle the cliff to my stomach in fear, I remember feeling quite accomplished, even if I could never reach the top.

Trying to get Abby healthier is a lot like climbing those cliffs. So far I have not succeeded. Or have I? Sometimes when we think we have made progress the "sand" slides out from under our feet. We have made it halfway though, high enough that we see the roots dangling so closely we might be able to grab them! So close.. Just like the little kid I used to be, I find I often forget to enjoy the halfway point, that halfway gives us an amazing view. That all the hard work it takes to scale that cliff has no less value if you only make it halfway.

If you have to climb sandy cliffs, halfway is a great place to be. I appreciate the magic of the very few nimble enough to flip and stand tall on the fragile cliff edge, I feel sadly for those too fearful of sand slides to even try to make it halfway.

Best, I have finally realized that climbing the cliff doesn't need to be about getting to the top, but success is about realizing that it is the hard work and lessons learned that give us a feeling of a job well done.


With the rash fading finally, the sand has stopped slipping away under our feet. Abby has found her foothold again and able to appreciate halfway. Despite the danger in trying to climb the "cliff" (trying IVIg) we haven't lost any ground, even if we have yet to gain any. If you have to climb cliffs, halfway can be a great place to be.



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